CoLu Week 2018
by VampChippzRisesAgain
Summary: Hey guys, I've decided to participate in CoLu week! The description of each day is inside, and this pairing has to be one of my favorites to be honest XD
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys, here are the prompts for...CoLu week, which is from June 17 to June 24! (Cobra's my favorite Fairy Tail character; how could I _not_ participate?)

Day 1: Defect

Day 2: Water

Day 3: Invite

Day 4: Pyramid

Day 5: Delirious

Day 6: Pilot

Day 7: Staff

Bonus: Dance

Can't wait to start, and I hope you guys will enjoy my short stories for that week!

 _~VampChippz_


	2. Day One: Defect

_Day One: Defect_

 _/_ _I still don't own Fairy Tail, just this little short plot. Happy CoLu week, guys!_

* * *

" _ **I need a cure for me, 'cause a square doesn't fit the circle. Give me a remedy, 'cause my head wasn't wired for this world."**_ _~Avalanche by_ _Bring Me The Horizon_

* * *

 _This is a curse._

Cobra smashed his fist through the mirror after examining himself for the third time that morning, tired of seeing dull amethyst orbs that pleaded for him to stop putting up with the madness around him. He's had this curse since birth, resulting in his mother leaving him after calling him a bane of existence. His father was left to pick up the pieces and was doing great so far, even letting him keep an injured snake he had found when he was five years old. Cobra had been hesitant to tell him about his... _predicament_ and was surprised when he took it calmly, promising to help him.

 _He was a mistake._

Cobra hated going out in public because of the noise, the people who didn't know when to shut up. In this case, he hated going to high school.

"You're going to be late, Erik! What was that noise?" His father's voice floated upstairs and he winced, examining the damage he did to the mirror. He quickly wrapped up his hand to stop the bleeding, the red fluid being absorbed by the bandages. The teen picked up shards of glass and put them in the garbage can, making a mental note to somehow break it to his father that the mirror above the sink was currently...out of order, per say.

"Nothing much!" He called back as he walked downstairs to see pancakes waiting for him. "Dad, you shouldn't have-"

"It's your first day at this new school, Erik." His father smiled as he handed him a knife for the butter. "You deserve this. Now eat your sugar-addled pancakes and try to like learning."

"The problem isn't the learning," Cobra muttered as he spread the dairy product over his chocolate chip pancakes. "It's the people that come with it."

"Even so, I have faith in you. Just...try not to break anyone's faces, alright?" Cobra nodded as he finished up, taking the time to help wash the dishes as well as going back upstairs to brush his teeth. Once he had his backpack in hand with his lunch inside he waved halfheartedly at his father as he made for the bus stop at the end of his street.

 _Looks like no one's here…good._ He grinned as he reveled in the silence, relaxing his body before he saw a yellow bus come closer to his location. He frowned as he hastily put in his earbuds, putting his iPod on shuffle mode to drown out the encroaching noise.

"WAIT!"

As the bus came to a stop and opened it's doors, Cobra saw a girl running towards him from the opposite end of the street. Her blonde hair bobbed with the wind as she booked it, something Cobra had to commend her for.

"There's a girl running here. Can you wait for her?" Cobra murmured to the bus driver, who nodded with a sigh.

"That's Lucy for you; either too early or too late at the bus stop." Cobra spied empty seats in the back and made his way over to one, settling next to the window. He saw several curious stares directed his way and he grimaced, the noise creeping through the music in his earbuds.

"Luce!" A blue-haired girl waved as the blonde from earlier boarded the bus, out of breath. At the sound of her name she looked at the girl and smiled, sitting next to her.

"Hey Levy! Are you ready for today?" Her friend, Levy, nodded before whispering something in her ear. What it was, Cobra didn't care; as long as they left him alone he'll be fine-

"Oi!" A figure slid onto the unoccupied seat next to him. "You're the new kid, right?"

Cobra scowled; of _course_ his day was going to start out like this; fate always had a way of screwing with him, after all. An image of a man with snow white hair and steel orbs came to mind and he had half a mind to snicker at the thought, making a note to continue on the episode he left off on after school. Focusing on the present, he turned his head slightly to the side in acknowledgement of the other.

"Sure, let's go with that." His eyes glanced at the kid next to him before focusing out the window.

"I'm Natsu!" The pink haired brat, Cobra now dubbed him as, smiled as he stuck his hand out for him to shake.

"...Cobra." He said flatly, watching in satisfaction out of the corner of his eye as the other teen lowered his hand with a frown.

 _What's up with this guy? He's such a jerk._

"That I am, Salamander." He murmured to himself as _Get Scared_ ended on his iPod only for _You're Gonna Go Far, Kid_ to begin. He wouldn't admit it out loud but the song helped to lift his spirits as it matched his mood at the moment; a giant middle finger to the world.

"Don't annoy him, Natsu!" The blonde's voice made him look up to stare into chocolate orbs, his amethyst ones widening before quickly looking back out the window. "Sorry about him. I'm Lucy, and the bus driver told me how you asked for him to wait. Thank you!" Another quick glance up rewarded him with a dazzling smile from Lucy and he flinched minutely, nodding tersely as he fixed his stare out the window once more.

 _I wonder if he's just shy…_

"Hmph." He shrugged only out of politeness, or at least what he considered polite. "Cobra. And no problem." Natsu huffed but moved back to his own seat next to a white haired girl. Cobra sighed in slight annoyance; as long as that was the only interaction with other people, he'd do just fine at this school.

* * *

Days turned into weeks since Cobra's first day at a new school, which had been surprisingly uneventful. He adapted to the place and the people in it, making some "acquaintances" along the way. The girl with the blonde hair-Lucy he thought her name was-confused him to no end as she treated him like...well, like an actual human being. She would go over and sit with him during lunch as he had adamantly refused to join her large group of friends (The one with the mask on would not stop going on about babies and Erza admittedly scared him as he had caught her using only a mop to kick the asses of 7 seniors one day) and hold a pleasant conversation with him. She seemed convinced that he was just extremely antisocial and, to be honest, she was right.

 _Partially._

One, he didn't like people. Two, the ones he did ran away screaming once he told them of his power. He lost faith in others, choosing to only be true to himself. So, when she had first come over to him he tensed and threw more than a couple of insults at her. To his surprise she had waved them off and laughed, throwing her own quip at him. He grew to like her presence, not realizing how deep he had fallen until he waited by her locker one day after class.

"She's got you wrapped around her finger, doesn't she?" Cobra jumped at Laxus' voice and scowled, crossing his arms.

"...What?"

Laxus rolled his eyes. "You're antisocial as fuck and yet you're waiting on someone. You actually want to talk more in classes with Lucy in them and you even made a few friends out of it." He knew he was referring to Jellal and the rest of the Seis, a group that was notorious for bringing down the evil reign of Brain in Social Studies class. (The thought still made him grin and, maybe, like people a little bit more.)

Cobra didn't want to admit he was right, but he felt like he was holding something back. "If you want to say something else, spit it out."

"You like her." Laxus' blunt response threw him off guard and his eyes widened, arms hanging limply at his sides.

"I…"

"Yep; it's true. I approve of it as her big brother, but if you do anything to break her heart I'll break your balls."

"Got it, Sparky." He mumbled as Laxus walked away, only for Lucy to tap his shoulder.

"Were you waiting for me this whole time?" Her laugh rang in his ears and his cheeks were dusted a light pink.

"So what of it, Bright Eyes?" She frowned and gently touched his shoulder.

"Hey, Cobra...are you-"

"Yes, I'm fine. Let's just go to our last class already." Her worried stare followed him all the way to their study hall period, where they parted ways. His mood had darkened after the conversation with Laxus and didn't feel like dealing with anyone at the moment. To make matters worse, the voices got louder and he gritted his teeth in annoyance.

 _Fight me, Gray!_

 _You're gonna pay for that, Natsu!_

 _I wonder if I should share my strawberry cake with Jellal after school today…_

 _I hope Cobra is doing okay…He was really tense back there. I wonder what happened to him?_

 _What-Don't mess with Laxus, Natsu!_

 _I should buy those tikis I saw in the thrift store and call them my babies!_

 _Flame Brain thinks he can mess with me?_

 _Juvia thinks Gray looks so handsome fighting Natsu! I hope he likes the bracelet I got him..._

 _Did Lily have enough food at home?_

He couldn't...take it anymore!

A chair scraping against the ground as well as a sharp _thud_ harshly drew their attention to the back of the room; Cobra had slammed his hands against the desk, nails scratching wood as he bit out his response.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! Flame Brain, stop trying to fight Ice Stripper. Ice Stripper, stop trying to fight Flame Brain. Titania, just fucking make out with Jellal already and eat that cake with him," Erza turned red at the notion and said nothing, "Freed, Laxus will be fine against Flame Brain. Sparky, don't even _try_ to start a fight with Flame Brain, two idiots are enough in one classroom. Bix, just buy them 'cause I'm sure you'll love them. Juvia, I'm sure Ice Stripper does so don't sweat over it. Black Steel, yes you did feed Lily and just ask Levy out already! And, Bright Eyes…" His chest heaved as the voices continued to lessen with each remark but he froze once he saw her shocked expression. "I'm _fine_. Always have been, always will be." Everyone's jaw dropped after hearing more than four words out of Cobra, the classroom falling silent.

"Did you…" Natsu ventured, eyes wide, "Did you just _read our minds?_ "

Cobra stumbled back, amethyst orbs wide with realization at what he _just fucking did_. "I…"

"Cobra-"

"NO!" He evaded Lucy and walked out of the room, bumping into Makarov, their teacher. "I need a breather, Old Man." Makarov nodded after seeing how shaken he was, slamming open the door to give a verbal lashing to his students. Once he exited the school he hit his back against a nearby tree and slid down it, trembling.

"I just messed it all up...I'll have to transfer _again_ , even though I…" He didn't want to think about it; he didn't want this to be true. He actually...liked being here, looked forward to going to school and interacting with other people he could admit were more than just acquaintances. He bit his lip as he forced the buildup of tears to go away, resting his head on his knees with his arms wrapped around them. "All because of this stupid _fucking curse_." His lips curled into a snarl before a wave of melancholy washed over him. "I wish...I was never here." He whispered as a void in his chest grew larger, threatening to consume him whole. He knew nothing could last forever; everything he's ever cherished left him in the end-

"Don't say things you don't mean."

His head snapped up to see Lucy giving him a sad smile, sitting down next to him. "...Bright Eyes?"

"I mean, I love having you here with us. And your...mind-reading thing-"

"Souls. I can...hear souls." He muttered, interrupting her. She apologized quickly before continuing.

"-isn't a curse at all."

"Yes, it is." It's caused him nothing but grief, misfortune-

"No, it's _not._ " Lucy said firmly, holding his bewildered stare as she went on to explain. "In fact, I can give you five reasons why it isn't."

"Shoot. And, when you fail, make sure to go back inside and tell Makarov I won't show up anymore." She frowned but listed them flawlessly.

"When we had gym yesterday, we had that dodgeball tournament. Our team was destined to lose but with your commands we pulled through against Natsu, Gray, Gajeel, _and_ Laxus after he subbed in for one kid. Erza finally confessed her feelings to Jellal after she left and now they're dating, Gray and Natsu are going to try fighting less often, and for once the classroom was so silent I could hear myself think!"

"That's only four, Bright Eyes." He made to stand up but fingers curling around his wrist and tugging yanked him back down next to the blonde.

"I'm not done! The fifth reason is that if it wasn't for it, you would have never transferred here, and I would have never met you." A blush adorned her face as she spoke and Cobra's eyes widened at the tears that glossed her cheeks. "And...I would have never fallen in love with you!"

"Lucy…" Cobra didn't know _what_ to think other than _She actually likes me_ and _She doesn't view it as a curse?_ as his world was flipped upside down. "If it's not a curse a _defect_ , then what is it?" He said uncertainly, looking at the ground. Lucy leaned in, breath ghosting across Cobra's lips as she whispered her response.

"A gift." Lips crashed onto his own and he immediately responded in kind, wrapping his arms around her waist. Once they parted he rested his head on her shoulder and trembled.

"A...gift…" His voice shook, and Lucy smiled.

"It's okay to cry, you know. Just let it out; I'm the only one here."

For the first time in seven years, Erik let himself cry. His sniffles tuned into sobs as he realized that someone out there _had_ been willing to stay with him after finding out about his curse.

Maybe it _was_ a gift, after all.

* * *

 _/Sorry about this being late, guys! I went on a mini vacation and came back yesterday evening, suffering from motion sickness. I'll update the second one this evening, so see you guys soon!_


	3. Day Two: Water

" _ **Brave shine! Te wo nobaseba mada stay the night. Kizu darake no yoru you save my life. Kasaneta namida no hate ni hikari wo mitsuketa; inori wa toki wo koete."**_ _~Brave Shine by Aimer_

* * *

Cobra the Poison Dragon Slayer loved the sound of water.

It was fluent, smooth, and calming for him, promising life and comfort to some and death to those unfortunate enough. It gave humans a reason to live, a reason to feel fear, a reason to be brave. To be honest, it was the only thing that stopped him from completely hating humanity altogether. So, naturally, he was more drawn to Angel's upcoming battle as she picked to have it in a slow-moving stream.

The Dragon Slayer of the Oracion Seis stood on the edge of a cliff with Brain, looking out into the forest below. The Light Alliance had come to stop them from grasping Nirvana, from achieving their personal prayers. He scowled at the thought, Cubellios nudging his side in question as she saw the look on his face. He looked down and gently rubbed her head, returning his gaze to the sea of trees.

"When will you join the fight, Cobra?" His guildmaster inquired, also surveying the multiple battles that raged below.

"When the time is right." The Poison Dragon Slayer answered vaguely as his hand brushed a key situated in his left coat pocket, out of sight from Brain. The object was the only reason why he stood here now, next to his guildmaster; this battle would determine who gets it. His ears twitched minutely as he heard Angel begin her fight with the Celestial Wizard, as she promised. He heard two gates open and almost chuckled as two spirits hit the water, facing off against each other. The Fire Dragon Slayer was nearby, slouched on a raft and unmoving; it seems that in order to beat him, you merely put him on a moving vehicle.

A breeze gently rolled over the two members of the Oracion Seis, caressing their hair as they looked on. Cobra listened to the soul of the unknown Celestial Wizard who fought Angel, shutting his eyes to help himself focus; she was... _intriguing,_ to say the least. Even though Aquarius and Scorpio left the scene, she pulled out Leo as her last resort. Angel, in turn, used Aries to combat the lion. She was determined to beat his guildmate and to-

To release...Aries from her contract.

The Poison Dragon Slayer's eyes snapped open, Brain giving him a questioning stare as Cobra nodded to Cubellios. "I'm heading out." He hopped on his friend and the two flew towards the fight, leaving their confused guildmaster behind. He urged his friend to hurry, as he then heard Angel's plan from her soul.

"-oor Leo, did you miss Aries? I'm sure she's just _delighted_ to see you." The Poison Dragon Slayer heard her say over the rushing sound of water.

"Lucy...I will still fight for you." Leo said with finality as the Celestial Wizard tried to get him to avoid fighting his friend. "This is a battle of pride!" Leaping off of Cubellios, Cobra ushered the snake to stay behind the treeline. He doubted the unknown Celestial Wizard's intentions, but if they were true…

Angel summoned Caelum as the two battled, tears falling from Lucy's face as her friend fought his best friend. She didn't support Loke fighting, but it was ultimately his choice; she refused to take away the will of her spirits.

 _Loke, remind me to make it up to you later. I_ _ **will**_ _get her to release Aries from this contract!_

"Caelum, fire on both Aries and Leo!"

"Wait, what?!" Lucy's brown orbs widened in shock as she struggled to stand up, only to fall. "LOKE, ARIES, MOVE!"

"What?" They both said in unison before they saw Caelum fire. Their eyes widened, and Lucy screamed for their safety-

-only for a force to push the two spirits out of the way.

"Who-?"

"COBRA?!" Angel's shout of horror reached the trio's ears as the Poison Dragon Slayer fell into the water with a hole in his midsection. Lucy stood up through sheer willpower alone, limping her way over with the help of Loke.

"You...you're a part of the Oracion Seis. Why did you…?" Cobra huffed as Cubellios raced to his side, forked tongue licking his cheek. Angel stared, dumbfounded, as he began to dissipate, trying to deny the truth that was in front of her. Gemini, still as Lucy, looked on with shock, not expecting him to intervene.

"I...can hear it…" He managed to say as his left hand fished around his corresponding coat pocket. "The kindness...you have for your spirits…"

"...Ophiuchus?" Loke said with uncertainty, and Cobra blinked in surprise; he didn't think anyone would remember him.

"...Yeah." He found what he was looking for and with a trembling hand put it in Lucy's own: a maroon key with a snake engraved on it. His form began to dissolve, maroon flakes peeling off of his form as Lucy watched in shock. "Take it, as well as Cubellios. Call on me...whenever you need me."

 _She's the one…_ He closed his eyes as he disappeared back into the spirit world, Cubellios resting her head where his chest used to be.

"You...care for your spirits…" Gemini murmured as tears trickled down their face. "You even managed to move the heart of Ophiuchus…" Lucy looked up at Angel, a new fire burning in her eyes. Loke chuckled at her determination, Aries smiling as she stepped to the side.

"You'll pay for messing with my spirits!"

* * *

"Open, Gate of the Poison Serpent: Ophiuchus!"

A doorway opened in front of Cobra and he stepped out, hands shoved in his pockets. "You called, Master?" Lucy noticed that his attire had changed, much like how Loke's did after she called on him for the first time. He wore a black skinsuit with silver lining accompanied by steel and black combat boots, a maroon coat draped over him to finish it off. His hair seemed a little bit wilder, his ears more pointed as his amethyst orbs stared at her. Cobra knew he was practically ripping off a certain bowman with his attire but he didn't care; in fact, he quite liked how it looked on him.

Judging by Lucy's faint blush and her thoughts, he could tell that she appreciated it too.

"N-No, don't call me Master; my name is Lucy." The blonde Celestial Wizard replied hastily, making him grin.

"Alright Master, Lucy it is." She pouted, to his extreme amusement. She then whipped out a pad and pen, looking up at him.

"What days are you free?"

"What?" He blinked in confusion; while she may be his first master, even he knew that masters never asked their spirits this peculiar question.

"What days can I summon you, of course!" Now she was treating him as if he was five years old, much to his chagrin. "Don't you ever get asked that?"

"...You're my first master, Master; of course not." He looked around and noticed that they were in Cait Shelter. "You...won?"

"Of course!" Lucy flashed him a thumbs up and he shook his head with a grin on his face. "Now, tell me!"

"I'm free whenever. As you can see, I'm not one to socialize. I was created to fight, and fight I will. I will gladly fight for you, Master." Lucy's face burned at the hidden compliment and he smirked. "So, did you get the keys?"

"Sure did!" She showed them to him and he raised an eyebrow in approval.

"Excellent job, Master."

"It's _Lucy!_ " A knock on the door revealed Erza and Wendy to be on the other side, the former pausing before summoning swords into her hands. She recognized the man who had poisoned her to the brink of death and would gladly return the favor tenfold. Cobra widened his stance slightly, preparing for a fight when Lucy intervened.

"Erza wait, it's not what you think! You remember how I told you about a new Zodiac key I got, the red-"

"Maroon."

"-maroon one with the snake on it? And how I brought back a huge snake with me? Well, he's the spirit!"

"Lucy." Erza spoke with caution, swords at the ready nonetheless. "Are you sure it was wise to bring him along?"

"I already made the contract with her, Titania." Cobra said as he spotted movement behind the two. "You all should duck right now."

They complied just as a purple and green blur raced through the entrance and barrelled into the Poison Dragon Slayer, wrapping around his form. "Hey Cubellios, did you miss me?" A _hiss_ was his response and he stroked her head, looking at the three. "What are you staring at?"

"...Nothing…" The trio of girls spoke in unison, and Erza reluctantly lowered her swords as she finished her assessment of him.

"If he takes even _one_ misstep, Lucy-"

"Erza!" Lucy cut her off, offended. "He's _my_ Celestial Spirit and, as such, _I'm_ responsible for him. If you have a problem with one of my spirits, you're gonna have to go through me." The blonde crossed her arms, forgetting for a couple of sweet seconds that this was _Erza_ she was talking back to. Erza nodded with a knowing smile, surprisingly enough, and backed off.

"Very well, Lucy; I will respect your wishes." The Requip mage left them and Wendy fidgeted, steeling herself to say her thoughts.

"U-Um, thank you for helping me through all of this. I wanted to let you know that I'll be coming back with you guys to Fairy Tail." Lucy squealed, honest to god _squealed_ , and hugged the Sky Maiden tightly.

"I'm sure you'll love it there!" Cobra watched the exchange with amusement, Cubellios resting her head on his shoulder as she looked on.

"I take it I'm done here?" Lucy looked up and nodded, his key clutched tightly in her hand as she swung his gate shut. He disappeared in a purple light, leaving Cubellios to slither up to Lucy and to stay by her side.

* * *

The next time Cobra is summoned, he found himself falling out of the sky and towards what appears to be Fairy Tail's pool. His amethyst orb widened in surprise as he berated himself for ever making a contract with his master, Lucy Heartfilia. He could do that later, however; finding a way out of this situation was his first priority. Speaking of...

 _OH SHI-_

He hits the water with a loud _CRASH_ , prompting the members of Fairy Tail to run out and investigate. A plume of water receded back into the pool, misty rain falling on the guild members.

"What just happened?" Gray was the first to inquire as the droplets ceased their downpour. Before anyone can respond a cough resonates from the pool, causing them to turn and see a drenched Cobra.

"Cobra! What happened to you?" Lucy ran over to him, checking him over for any injuries. Her touches left sparks dancing across his skin but he was too annoyed and a little bit amused to care at the moment.

"Oh, I don't know Master," the Poison Dragon Slayer snarked, shaking his head to get rid of some droplets that stubbornly clung onto his wild hair, "Maybe a summoning gone awry?" She extended a hand down towards him and he took it, helping himself up as he finally caught his breath. Once he did, he inhaled and began his rant.

"What kind of idiot summons their spirit _seventy feet off of the ground into a pool?_ To be honest, I don't even know _how_ you fucked that up and yet, here I am _soaking fucking wet_ with no clue as to why you summoned me here, of all places. I know I said call on me whenever but if you're going to do another ridiculous summoning then I'll limit you to six days a week!" A snort before a bout of laughter began caught his attention and he stared at his master, who had a smile on her face.

"Well, it's nice to see you too then!" _I never knew you could scold someone like that, Cobra. You have to teach me._

"I'll teach you sometime later, then." He blinked as she frowned up at him, laughter gone abruptly. "What?"

"What happened to your eye?" Her fingertips gently brushed the scar and he felt a telltale shiver go down his spine.

"I got stronger, for a price. As I said, I'd gladly fight for you Master." Lucy's eyes widened and a blush coated her cheeks as he smirked, causing her to swat his arm.

"Lucy liiiiiiiiiikes him!" Happy's response reminded the two that they had an audience and Cobra pushed her away from him with his usual scowl plastered on his face.

"I do not!" The Celestial Mage retorted, crossing her arms. Cobra chuckled as he walked past her, causing her to glare at him.

"And what's so funny to you, mister?!"

"You do remember that I can hear souls, right?" Her face flushed at the indication and she proceeded to chase him, one of Levy's books in hand.

"YOU REALLY ARE A JERK, YOU KNOW THAT?!" _No wonder why you're Ophiuchus, the Snake Constellation!_

Soft laughter reached her ears as Cobra had a small smile on his face. "Of _course_ I know that, Master."

"IT'S LUCY!"

Funny how a simple liquid can also connect people on top of helping them live.

* * *

 _/I, um...tried the best I could for this one. I might make a mini story based off of this, and I hope you guys enjoyed it!_


	4. Day Three: Invite

" _ **Furishikiru tsuyoi ame; egaita yume no hate. Furueru kata nurashi, aruki tsuzuketa. Surikireta chiisana te sukima wo umeru made, iro no kieta kioku hiroi atsumeta. Itoshisa, yasashisa; subete nagedashite mo ii. Nakushita mono mitsuketa nara!"**_ _~Last Stardust by Aimer_

* * *

"We're going _where?_ "

"Fairy Tail is hosting a party for our anniversary of cooperation with one another. It _has_ been a full year, you know." Jellal's response did nothing to make Cobra feel any better, as he tensed at the thought of being stuck with _Fairies_ for an entire night. He wished Cubellios was with him; at least he'd be reassured that he wasn't the only one who was alone in his misery. "They even went through the pain to write each individual a letter."

"Think of it as a good exercise for you, Cobra." Meredy piped up as she walked alongside the group, shooting him a smile. "'Cause, let's face it; you suck at socializing."

"Thanks for the input, Pipsqueak." Meredy stuck her tongue out at him as Jellal chuckled.

"Meredy _does_ have a point, Erik; you're not good with others. However, it seems Lucy has made a friend out of you, as well as Bixslow."

"Bixslow and I share the same type of magic, although it differs in what part of the soul we can access." The resident Dragon Slayer waved them off, continuing to walk. "There's not too many of us out there, so it's only natural we get along. As for Heartfilia…" He paused, hesitating for a split second. "...I guess she's just easy to get along with. She doesn't push too much nor does she talk as much as Salamander. Her soul is...calming, in a sense."

"Ooh," Sorano said with a smirk as she put an arm over her best friend's shoulders, "Sounds like you have a crush Erik!"

"What?" Cobra gave her a glare but made no move to remove her arm. "Sorano, I think something's wrong with your head. Heartfilia is one of the people I can get along with; that doesn't mean I-"

"Of course it does!" The Celestial Wizard interrupted him, grin widening to his dismay. "You two became friends _way_ too fast; it only took, what, like thirty minutes for you to loosen up around her? There's a spark, Erik, and you can't tell me otherwise." Was it too late to hit his head against the concrete wall of that passing building so hard he would pass out and, hopefully, wake up with amnesia?

"Don't even think about giving yourself amnesia to get out of this arrangement, Erik."

"Did you just read my mind or something, Fearless Leader?" Cobra bit back as he shifted his glare to an amused Jellal.

"No; I merely read your facial expressions." Cobra made a face and the blue-haired leader laughed. "I don't need to be smart to know what that meant."

"Fairy Tail is truly made up of love!" Richard butted in, steering the conversation back to the previous topic. Sawyer chuckled and patted his friend's back.

"In a way, yes; it is." Midnight yawned and walked in sync with Cobra, eyelids threatening to close.

"I wish Jellal would've let me bring my pillow...I'm tired." Cobra let a chuckle escape him as he patted his other best friend's back.

"You'll get through this somehow. Anyways, aren't you _always_ tired?" Midnight only groaned in response and Meredy joined in on the laughter.

If he played his cards right, maybe he could avoid having to interact _too_ much with the Fairies...

* * *

 _What was that about playing my cards right?_ A beer mug sailed over his head as the rambunctious voices seemed to grow louder. _Oh, right; it was a shitty hope._

Not even five minutes after arriving found the small group in the midst of good cheer and celebration-was Natsu _dancing_ on a _table?_ -with everyone in Fairy Tail having a blast. Cobra choose to be more subtle; sitting by himself at the bar did wonders for him as he tried to block out most of the voices ringing in his ears and throughout his mind. Even if he wasn't antisocial at heart, all of the people in the same room as him would drive him nuts if he didn't take countermeasures against it. Well, at least _some_ of Brain's training hadn't gone to waste. He absentmindedly noted that Gajeel was singing a jazz song and...wasn't half bad, actually. However, while Cobra loved his fair share of jazz, whatever the hell Gajeel was singing was starting to make his eyebrow twitch in annoyance.

"Here's your drink, Cobra!" Kinana smiled as she slid him a mug full of Windex. He gave her a rare soft smile, cradling the drink before taking a sip.

"Thanks, Cub-Kinana. Sorry." Kinana waved him off.

"It's alright, Erik. I know not saying my name must be hard for you." He nodded gratefully before noticing a nervous yet gleeful-looking Meredy walking his way. _What the hell did she do now?_

"So, um, Lucy and I made a bet." Cobra wanted to smash his head against the table. "She said you probably were a good singer and I said you probably weren't. So, I signed you up to be the next act for tonight." Scratch that, the solid brick wall of Fairy Tail sounded much more tempting.

"Why." Cobra seethed, some poison seeping out of his mouth. Meredy laughed nervously, looking at anything but him. Unfortunately, luck was not on his side as Bixslow seemed to overhear their conversation and grinned.

"Coby's gonna sing for us Fairies? Is he finally coming out of his shell? Is hell freezing over?!" The Thunder Legion Member cackled, throwing an arm around the Poison Dragon Slayer's shoulders and pulling him in for a friendly hug.

"Let me go if you want to live, Bix." Cobra tried to threaten but it came out as a pout.

"Nonsense, Coby! I'm just spending time with a pal!" Footsteps alerted them that they weren't alone and Cobra listened to their soul, surprised that the newcomer was Lucy.

"Hey Bix, can I talk to Cobra for a minute?" Lucy's adopted brother beamed and let Cobra go. The ex-criminal pretended to have been choking, accenting his coughs as he pounded his chest.

"I can hear it. Your grip would have sent me to the gallows if it was allowed to continue for three more seconds." The Seith Mage rolled his eyes with a fond smile on his face as he playfully punched Cobra's shoulder.

"Yeah right, Coby." He then walked away to give the two some privacy.

"You want to talk about your bet." Cobra turned serious, amethyst orbs staring into soft mocha with a stern glare. "I don't appreciate setting things up like this without my knowledge, Bright Eyes."

"I know, and I'm sorry." At least she had the audacity to look ashamed. "I'm betting about you because I just want you to feel more at home here. Considering how anti-social you are, this'll be a good exercise to get you out of your shell."

"Bite me, Princess." He snarked but with less malice in his tone, which the Celestial Wizard immediately caught onto. She smiled, and Cobra could have sworn that something warm spread throughout his heart.

"I know you'll do just fine up there." She hugged him and left once Happy and Natsu called out to her. He sighed as he saw the time, going behind stage to get ready. If he doesn't die of embarrassment, he'll get Midnight to make his suicide look like a murder. With Sorano's help, it should be a piece of cake; that woman can write a will and fake emotions better than anyone else he'd ever known.

He had such great friends, didn't he?

* * *

Jellal looked around after he let Erza feed him some of her strawberry cake, smiling at her enthusiasm. "I'm sorry to cut you off, Erza, but have you seen Cobra perchance? I can see the rest of my guild except for him, and I'm worried that he slithered out amidst this chaos to wait back at our hotel." The Requip Mage chuckled at the thought but now also surveyed her guild hall.

"Hmm...I will inquire Bixslow about his disappearance. The two always seem to be inseparable whenever you visit."

"Indeed." Jellal watched her go off, stopping the Seith Mage and asking him where the Poison Dragon Slayer had gone. Bixslow said something inaudible which, strangely enough, caused Lucy to blush and wave him off, and Erza made her way back to the blue-haired man with an amused smirk on her face.

"You'll see." Jellal groaned, resting his head on his hand as he gave her a half-hearted glare.

"Meanie." Erza laughed, which was like music to his ears.

"Erza…" He began before cutting himself off, looking hesitant. Erza tilted her head in curiosity.

"Yes, Jellal?"

"...Nevermind, it's nothing." The Requip Mage nodded, deciding to let it go for now. The sound of a curtain drawing open turned their attention to the stage, resulting in Jellal's eyes to go wide as his jaw dropped.

"...No way." Erza laughed at his expression, a smirk making it's way onto her face.

"Yes way." Jellal gave her a playful glare before they resumed their focus onto the Poison Dragon Slayer. Mira was on the piano next to him and he looked uncomfortable, sitting on a stool cradling a guitar. Sorano and Midnight, oddly enough, were up there as well; the Celestial Wizard held a bass guitar in her hands while the Nightmare Mage twirled a drumstick absentmindedly.

"What the hell is _Cobra_ of all people doing up there?!" Oh, so Sawyer noticed too. Natsu started to protest, thinking about Gajeel's music and dreading that Cobra will be the same until Gray covered his mouth, nodding to Erza. Lucy, who sat at their table, gave Cobra a reassuring smile once his gaze landed on her. The Poison Dragon Slayer tapped the microphone, a scowl on his face although his cheeks were dusted pink at the eyes on him.

"I'm going to sing for you guys because of a stupid bet. Go ahead and laugh when you want to, 'cause it'll be bad." He took a deep breath and let Mira start, the soft notes of the piano washing over the group with ease. The ex-criminal began to play, Sorano joining in at the same time as him. Midnight completed the makeshift band once the Poison Dragon Slayer began to sing.

" _Toozakaru tooriame, kieteku yoru no kaze; kodoku dake ga soba ni tatazundeita. Eranda, tadashisa; subete machigai demo ii. Shinjita mono mamoreta nara!_ "

Jellal and Erza were dumbfounded, along with the rest of the guild; Cobra was...good, _amazing_ even. Meredy pouted as she handed Lucy one hundred Jewels, deciding to scam Cobra after their party for the money she lost. _Why does he have to be so good…?_

 _I knew you could do it, Erik._ Cobra's gaze snapped towards Lucy as he continued to sing, a wide smile on her red face. _It should be illegal that he's this good. His sultry voice, smooth as butter yet rough with scars, both inside and out. I think I'm gonna add that to my novel for that touch of romance I've been missing...Wait, he's looking right at m-IS HE HEARING MY THOUGHTS?!_ The Dragon Slayer winked at her, causing Erza to fangirl and Jellal to hold her back as the red-head tried to lunge at Lucy, demanding all of the "details to their relationship".

" _Kizu darake no garasu no kokoro ga wasukaketa netsu wo tomosu. Saigo no Stardust maiagare: Dust to Dust, Earth to Earth kanata e. Negai no hahen yo, towa e!_ " Mira took over with a piano solo, the guild still in shock at the performance.

" _Brave Shine...stay the night. Save my life...the Brave Shine…Brave Shine."_ The melody turned ethereal, otherworldly before the climax hit. Natsu was cheering at the fact his ears weren't gonna bleed to death before Erza shut him up with a glare.

" _Kizutsuku no ga, sadame da to shite mo kokoro wa mada iro wo hanatsu. Sayonara, Judas; hai ni nare! Dust to Dust, itsuka no yowasa e. Kizu darake no garasu no kokoro ga wasurekaketa netsu wo tomosu! Saigo no Stardust maiagare; Dust to Dust, Ash to Ash kanata e. Negai no hahen yo, towa e!_ " Cobra slowly exhaled, Mira's last note ringing throughout the still air of Fairy Tail before an uproar of applause took them by surprise. Sorano, Mira, and even Midnight stood up and bowed, Cobra merely walking off the stage in a hurry.

* * *

"That was _amazing_."

The Poison Dragon Slayer turned to face Lucy. "You think?"

"Of course! That was beautiful. Your voice, the lyrics...I almost cried, to be honest."

"I sang it for a friend whose wandering wherever he is at the moment."

"That's so sweet!" She hugged him, knowing that with their friendship he would allow it. "You are a kind person, Erik."

"No, I'm not. I've…" Lucy's hand cupped his face gently, loving eyes staring into his amethyst orbs.

"Don't say such ridiculous things." She whispered softly. His hands trembled, eye wide as her soul _sang_ for him. "You joined Crime Sorciere because you want to atone. You're not the same person from when we first met; you've grown, and I'm _so_ proud of you." Cobra leaned down until their foreheads were practically touching.

"If you really believe that," He lowered his voice to a soft rumble, watching as her face flushed, "Then let me kiss you as thanks stupid Heartfilia." He closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around her frame as he held onto her. She happily reciprocated the kiss, tangling her hands in his wild hair as she tilted her head to get a better angle. She felt herself heat up as the kiss deepened, a fire coiling in her stomach as the Dragon Slayer pinned her against the wall.

"Well." Midnight's voice made them freeze as his amused tone reached them. "I _was_ gonna congratulate you with a celebratory drink, but I guess you've gotten your own award." Lucy flushed even further as Cobra pulled her closer to him with a smirk on his face, becoming hyper-aware of his muscles as they contracted under her touch.

"I sure have, haven't I?" Midnight chuckled, waving to them as he began to walk off.

"I'll leave you guys alone; if you excuse me, I owe Sorano fifty Jewels." And with that, he disappeared into the crowd.

"So…" Lucy started before she was swept off of her feet. "Wha-?!"

"Too cute, Princess." Cobra chuckled as he held her bridal style, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Wanna pick up where we left off at your apartment?"

"I never thought you would ask!"

* * *

 _/I don't own the song; it belongs to Aimer once again. Plus...sorry for not updating on time...life got ahold of me. I hope you guys enjoyed, and until next time!_


	5. Day Four: Pyramid

Lucy Heartfilia loved her father to bits, but even this was a bit too much for her.

The Celestial Wizard groaned as she looked over her father's will once, twice, thrice, before shoving it into her best friend's hands.

"This is it?" Cobra asked in surprise as he skimmed it, knowing that most days Lucy respected privacy concerning her parents (or, more accurately, her past). He handed it back to her as she cried out in indignation.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ' _This is it'_?!" Cobra winced as his eardrums rang from her shout, deciding for another approach.

"All you have to do is explore a new archaeological dig site. To me, that sounds like fun."

"I didn't know you were the type to enjoy stuff like this, Cobra." Her best friend was more known for his antisocial tendencies as well as his hostility towards others, although the latter had abated slightly once he joined Crime Sorciere. The two were an unlikely duo, shocking even Mira who was usually okay with startling developments such as this.

An amethyst orb bore into her mocha ones as the owner of the former sighed. "Eh. Adventure means either finding people to vent my frustration out on after dealing with you Fairies all day or treasure to steal. A win-win situation, if you ask me."

"And the truth comes out." He flashed her a toothy grin as he inspected the schematics that came with her father's will.

"Seems like a lot of ground to cover, Heartfilia. Are you sure you're up to this?" Lucy smiled at his veiled concern for her, nodding her head.

"I'm not going in alone, of course! I already have a few people coming with me." She looked over his shoulder at a group of people, and he turned to see all of the Thunder Legion and Team Natsu along with his own guild mates standing ready at the door. Levy chatted with Gajeel as she looked over a few notes, probably theories about the site as she rambled on to her friend. To his credit, Gajeel tried to look as if he followed every word she said but failed once she had uttered her fifteenth word at light speed. Wendy and Carla laughed at a joke Meredy had told, the Sky Dragon Slayer doing her best to look brave for this mission.

"..." He turned his gaze back at Lucy, who kept her smile plastered on her face.

"What?"

"...Salamander. _In a confined space_."

"Oh, give me a break!" Lucy let her smile drop, banging her head on the table. The action caused Cobra to chuckle at his best friend, who merely stuck her tongue out at him in defiance.

"Whatever Heartfilia; let's get going already." She nodded and stood up in sync with him, following the others out the door.

* * *

"So, this is Shinpi Pyramid...fitting name, in all honesty." Lucy commented as they reached their destination, the journey having taken nearly five hours to complete. Cobra stood by her side, giving her a glance before repositioning his stare at the site ahead of him.

"...Yeah, I guess." Natsu pushed past them, followed by an eager Laxus and an excited Levy.

"LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!" Lucy face palmed but smiled, internally grateful that her friends stood by her side.

"Natsu Dragneel!" Erza raced after him, intent on getting him to slow down.

"Wait, Erza!" And there went Jellal, not too far behind his friend as he tried to calm her down.

In small groups the team embarked for the site, leaving only Cobra and Lucy behind. "Hey, I really appreciate you accompanying me here Erik. It means alot."

"I know it does, Lucy." He said softly, which was normal when they were on their own in times such as this. "And I'll always be here." As he passed her, he bent down and gave her a swift kiss on the cheek before shoving his hands in his pockets, Bixslow's teasing making him retort without much venom in his voice at his other best friend.

 _Did he just…?_ Lucy blinked in astonishment before grinning and running to catch up to them. "Hey, wait up!"

It was about time they got started on a brand new adventure.


	6. Day Five: Delirious

" _Ah-ha-hah, I'm so scared! PLEASE! PLEASE! AHHHHHHH! AHHHH I'M RUNNING AWAY!"_ Lucy Heartfilia snorted as she tried to keep her laughter in, seeing her favorite idol flail about on the screen on her phone, illuminating the subway car she was hitching a ride on. Her earbuds crackled with the man's voice that caused her mirth.

" _FUCK YOU!"_ She couldn't hold it in anymore and laughed, causing more than a few heads to turn and stare at her. She immediately quietened due to her embarrassment but kept her wide grin on her face as she continued to watch the video.

" _What, no come back here!"_ Another voice filled her ears but then the previous one quickly overtook it, making her snicker.

" _Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, UH-UH, UH-UH. UH-UH!"_ The blonde could care less by now who was watching; tears gathered in her eyes as her chuckles forced themselves out of her mouth, feeling at peace as the video lifted her spirits.

A man bumped into her, causing the earbuds to be ripped out and the phone to fall to the floor, the volume thankfully on low as the video continued to play.

" _Martydom, MOTHA FUCKERS!"_ After sending a glare to the man she reached down to pick up her phone, pausing when a hand encompassed the device and picked it up. She followed her gaze up her savior's arm to stare into amethyst orbs alight with amusement as they stared at the playing video.

"Do you always watch videos like this?" Came his equally amused tone and Lucy practically melted at how rough it sounded, even if it was lightened due to humor.

" _Burger King Onion Wing!"_ Lucy's face heated up in embarrassment once more as she reached for her phone, gaping as it danced out of her reach.

"Ah-Ah-Ah; you gotta thank me first, Bright Eyes." The nerve of this...this _snake…!_

"Thank you," She ground out as he fiddled with the audio on her phone, increasing it to where it could be heard on the other side of the subway car. Her face turned red with shame as glares turned their way but was surprised when the (handsome) stranger glared back. He then gave her a grin.

"Now that wasn't so hard, now was it?"

" _You know, they always say pigs gotta have wings to fly and...and, well, they just gotta have them."_ The stranger finally cracked up at that one, Lucy staring dumbfounded as his laughter rung sweetly in her ears. He handed her back her phone and she immediately adjusted the audio, turning off the damn device that got her into this mess in the first place.

"You shouldn't worry about what other people think, Bright Eyes." The stranger said as the subway began to slow. "Del is too funny to be hidden." Her eyes widened as he made his way off with her, staring at him dumbfounded.

"You…" Not many people knew of the man, and yet here she was meeting someone who did. _Small world, I guess,_ She thought absentmindedly before continuing. "Just who _are_ you?"

"To most, I'm Cobra." He began to walk off, giving her one last look over his shoulder at her which was accompanied by a smirk. "But to you, I'm Erik."

"Lucy. Lucy Heartfilia." The stranger, Erik, chuckled.

"Till some other time, Lucy." Once he was gone, she turned on her phone to see a new contact.

 _ **Contact #8:**_ _Erik [H2O Delirious Fan]_

 _That jerk…!_ She fumed before a smile played on her lips.

"Erik, huh…" She made her way home, the smile stuck on her face for the rest of the day.

* * *

 _/I don't own the quotes, 'cause they are actually from H2O Delirious himself! He's an awesome YouTuber, and once I saw this prompt I dies laughing about the countless possibilities, but I stuck with this one XD Well, until next time!_


	7. Day Six: Pilot

Cobra was _not_ the man for the job.

After being almost (emphasis on _almost_ ) sacrificed for the sake of some unknown deity by a bunch of fanatics (who turned out to be _right,_ of all things), he somehow wound up having to control a massive flying ship just for the sake of not crashing into Magnolia. The treasure hunter could say that yes, this _had_ to be one of the worst and strangest days in history for him.

"Up! _UP!_ " Lucy Heartfilia screamed next to him, an unfortunate magical archaeologist who got wrapped up in this mess while trying to solve the mystery of the ancient ship.

"Yeah, yeah, now hold onto your fucking panties Blondie!" He grunted in exertion as his hands, which were encased in golden energy, struggled to move upwards but succeeded. "You _do_ realize I have never flown a ship that's _seventy fucking metres long_ before, don't you?!"

"Well, being a treasure hunter and all…" Lucy shrugged sheepishly, to which he shook his head in exasperation.

"Urp!" Natsu Dragneel, her partner in crime, put his hand over his mouth as he rushed towards the window. Gray Fullbuster and Erza Scarlet completed her team, the two keeping an eye on the view as the ship ascended. While the group may have saved his hide, that didn't mean he had to _like_ them for they got on his nerves soon after his rescue.

"Shut it, Salamander!" Cobra focused on the task at hand, levelling out the ship so that it soared among the clouds. Lucy gasped at the beautiful sight, the sun's rays kissing the condensed water vapor and reflecting rainbows into the group's eyes.

"Amazing…" Erza was captivated by the sight and Gray would be too, if he wasn't trying to hold onto Natsu as half of the rowdy archaeologist's body hung out the window.

"I agree…" Lucy commented before turning her attention back to Cobra. "Hey, shouldn't you be landing this thing in the sea?"

"Define _landing_ , Blondie." The treasure hunter snarked, glancing back at Lucy to see her face go pale.

"Don't tell me you-" With a savage grin he flicked his hands downwards with as much force as he could muster, sending the ship into a nosedive towards the rapidly approaching ocean.

"KYAA!" The gravity of the room began to change as Erza almost slipped, hand grasping the open window as she dangled in the air. Gray and Natsu managed to find a window as well, doing their best to not fall to the bow of the ship. Lucy was not so lucky as she was standing in the middle of the room, ending up using Cobra as her purchase as he was rooted in place.

"Hey-!" The feeling of her bosom on his head was not unwanted but his eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "I'm trying to work here!"

"Cut me some slack, Cobra!" Lucy yelled in his ear, which made him wince. "This is the only solution I thought of!" The treasure hunter sighed before deciding to endure it for now. The ship hit the water with an almighty _BOOM_ , waves crashing into each other as a foreign object disrupted their pattern. The golden glow around his hands died down as gravity righted itself, all occupants giving a collective sigh of relief before picking themselves back up.

"Hey, Blondie…"

"Yeah?"

"You can let go of me now." He reached a hand up to rip her form off of him but grasped something soft and...well-endowed. He blanched and Lucy gasped, both trying to process what had transpired.

"P-...PERVERT!" It seemed Lucy was the first to put the pieces together and to recover. She had the nerve to slap him with fury and a hint of embarrassment etched on her face, immediately letting go of him as she scrambled backwards. He snapped out of his daze and glared at her in turn.

"Is that how you treat someone who just saved your ass? Be grateful, Blondie." He put a finger to the communicator in his ear and contacted Kinana, telling her that he needed a pickup. He couldn't deal with these people any longer, and one more minute spent with them was another minute he lost his sanity.

Indeed, this was the strangest and worst day of his life.


	8. Day Seven: Staff

"No no no, it goe F!"

"That's what I've been _trying_ to tell you, Bright Eyes! And then the other ones ar E." Cobra ignored the playful yet somewhat heated insults Lucy began to throw as he looked over the sheet music with her, eye zeroing in on the section that read ' _STAFF'_. She was struggling to learn _piano_ of all things so like a good boyfriend he offered to help her out.

A good boyfriend who deserves a fucking two-week vacation after this whole ordeal was dealt with.

He ran a hand over his face and felt the urge to cry once he saw that she had scrawled down the complete opposite of what she had said. Lucy was smart, without a doubt; however, it seemed that this subject was something fate deemed her to practically fail at.

"Look at what you wrote down." Lucy glanced at her letters in confusion, giving him the same stare.

"It looks fine to me."

" _It's the exact opposite of what you just said._ " He managed through gritted teeth, seeing as realization dawned on her features.

"Ahh, I see-" She crossed the letters out and wrote them down in the correct order, the piano bench beginning to give her cramps along her legs as she finally completed her knowledge of the staff. She had been sitting there for four hours, two of them spent with Cobra trying to sort things out. At the pace they're going, it'll be a miracle if she could play a whole line of a song.

"You're doing fine." Cobra put his hand on Lucy's shoulder as he sensed her frustration, putting a smirk on his face as she nodded in determination. _There's the one of many things I love about you, Bright Eyes: You never give up._

"Right!" She cracked her knuckles and got to work.

* * *

It took two more hours, but Lucy managed to play through an entire song without messing up. She cheered after the last note rung throughout the air, Cobra giving her a peck on the cheek as he smirked in victory.

"I knew you could do it, Bright Eyes." She tackled him into a hug, which he gladly returned.

"I couldn't have done it without you, Erik." He then grinned, plucking her from her seat to twirl her in the air.

"So, about that two-week vacation..."


	9. Bonus Day: Dance

_/Prompt: In which Cobra breaks the fourth wall, Bixslow thinks it's the end of the world, Erza needs to find her wedding ring, Mira faints, Juvia fights a horde, and Lucy cries._

* * *

This was it; it was the end of this segment.

CoLu week had drawn to a close, the humor and sarcasm coming to and end.

Cobra would miss these Fairies, deep down.

"Uh, yeah right; like _hell_ I'd miss a bunch of jackasses with way too much magical energy for their own good." The Poison Dragon Slayer said to the camera with a roll of his eye, downing the last of his poison from a beer mug. Bixslow, his best friend, stared at him strangely.

"Uh... _who_ are you talking to?" The ex-criminal turned to face him, amethyst orb dancing in amusement.

"The fucking author of this shit series. Seriously, what the hell were some of these AU's? Highschool? _Treasure hunting?_ Give me a fucking break!" Bixslow slowly started to back away from his friend, who continued his rant.

"Hey, Coby...It's a nice day out. The sun is shining, and the cherry blossoms are falling...how about you take a breath of fresh air, huh?" The Seith Mage thought that his poor friend was losing it, raving on about an "author" and "AU's". Cobra whirled on him, incredulous.

"I'm not insane! The author is real and controls your every move, thought, and action!"

"So…" Bixslow tried to wrap his head around this, still in shock because the concept had come from _Cobra_ of all people. "What I'm saying right now...is determined by this author of yours..."

"Uh-huh."

"And...that means what everyone else is doing is determined by the author…"

"Uh-huh."

" _And_...even though you have knowledge of this, your actions are also determined by the author."

"Uh-hu-" Cobra froze as he realized that Bixslow was right. "Well, shit." He desperately tried to find a loophole but found none present, cursing his situation as the author remained out of his reach still.

"Just you wait, author-chan." The Poison Dragon Slayer snarled as he spoke, eye narrowed into a slit. "I'll pay you back for making me go through this shit by the end of this chapter."

"Are you in debt, Cobra?" Jellal's voice brought him out of his seemingly insane conversation as the blunett walked over to him. His eyebrow was raised in amusement, as if his joke was something that deserved a laugh. Honestly, it hurt Cobra more than anything else to hear his Fearless Leader's puns and jokes; they were terrible to the point that even Midnight wanted to bash his head in on a hard surface to escape the torture.

"Nah." Cobra waved him off as he kept his scowl on his face, Bixslow freaking out beside him. "Just waiting until the end of this chapter so that I can have a little... _chat_ with a certain author."

Jellal blanched, turning to Bixslow. He then pointed at the Dragon Slayer and asked in a hushed tone, "Who the hell is he and what has he done to the real Cobra?"

"I don't know, man!" Bixslow whispered back in the same subdued tone, eyes darting about as if someone was listening to their discussion. "He's been raving about how all of this isn't real and that our actions are predetermined by an author."

"...I think he's gone insane." Jellal and Bixslow nodded in unison as the blue-haired male spoke, proud as they reached a conclusion to an almighty problem.

"I can _hear_ you, you know!" Cobra butted in with a growl, waving his hands in the air. This got more than a few heads to turn towards the Poison Dragon Slayer in the Fairy Tail guild hall, the residents getting to see a rare side of Cobra. "I'm not insane; you guys just haven't bothered to look over the fact that some of these people act strangely because Hiro Mashima isn't scripting this damn segment! It's like it's...on _crack_ or something!"

"Hiro Mashima's not doing this?!" Mirajane gasped, along with some other guild members. It made sense, as the proof was right in front of them: Jellal and Bixslow, who had never talked to each other beforehand, were acting as if they were best friends, and Cobra was officially losing his shit for the first time.

"Cobra, what the fu-" Lucy had almost questioned his apparently depleted sanity when Natsu leapt up onto the table, a panicked expression on his features.

"REBEL, FOR HIRO MASHIMA!" He then let loose a Fire Dragon Roar, catching Gray and Gajeel in the crossfire as he flailed about. The two growled as they pounced on the pinkette, causing another guild brawl to occur. Lucy facepalmed so hard that she almost gave herself amnesia, instead making her way behind the bar where it was safe.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE AT THE HANDS OF AN AUTHOR!" It finally sunk in for Bixslow that maybe, _just maybe_ , this new author could kill him off with just a few well-placed words here and there and make it look like a suicide. The thought had him terrified as he realized that it could also happen to any of his friends while he had no power to change it. The Seith mage ran around the guild hall screaming, even grabbing onto Laxus' shoulders and shaking him like a ragdoll as he yelled his realization into his friend's ears.

Cobra looked proud as he finally got through to the other mages, sipping his cyanide-laced beer in satisfaction. Lucy marched up to him, a furious and worried expression on her face. _Well, ain't that just a weird combo._

"What the hell were you thinking, starting a brawl?!" She had to shout over the noise of others fighting to get her message across. Cobra answered her with a smirk.

"I only spoke the truth. I'm like a prophet, Blondie; I tell only the truth." He then paused, as if considering something. "...Well, it _is_ CoLu week, so I guess the author wants me to do this…"

"Wha-" Before Lucy could comment more on her comrade's odd behavior, he had snaked an arm around her waist and kissed her so passionately she almost fainted on the spot.

"OH THE BABIES!" Apparently, Mira had done that for her. The poor barmaid couldn't take the romance that popped up out of nowhere amidst the brawl and fainted on the spot. Erza also saw the scene and turned as red as her hair, brain quickly going to the future of marriage.

"W-Will you guys...g-get married?" The Requip Mage asked with a stutter, now running around frantically as if searching for something. "Because I happen to have a ring for the occasion. Will I be the bridesmaid? Ooh, but then I would need to find a dress-!" Juvia perked up at the idea of marriage, practically swooning as the brawl raged around her.

"Oh, if there is to be a marriage then Gray-sama and I will _have_ to attend! Then, the bouquet will get tossed and I will catch it and the next wedding will be of me and my sweet popsicle prince!" To say that Juvia lost her shit over the prospect of getting married to Gray was an understatement. Her eyes then widened as she thought of the bouquet toss, gasping. "But then there will be other love rivals there to challenge me for the position of Gray's bride and I can't have that! I WILL DEFEAT ALL LOVE RIVALS!" She daydreamed of fighting back hundreds of girls for the bundle of flowers at Lucy and Cobra's wedding with a smile on her face, effectively creeping Gray out. Lucy had tears coming down her face as she thought of having a wedding in the near future with the (smarmy and snarky) man of her dreams, Cobra chuckling at her thoughts as he twirled her around.

"This is all your fault." Lucy pouted as she was trapped within the Dragon Slayer's arms, swatting his arm as emphasis. Cobra merely gave her a cheeky grin and kissed her nose, picking her up bridal style and carrying her out of the guild hall.

"I heard that you like to dance, and that there's going to be no one down at the beach tonight. Is it a date or no?" Lucy smiled, kissing her cheek as a sign of approval. As he carried her, he snickered to himself.

"What is it, Cobra?"

"Ten Jewels says that Titania and Blueberry get married before Ice Stripper and that Water Mage."

"Oh, you're on!"

* * *

 _/*Looks this over* ...What the hell have I done…? I knew I had a crack chapter in mind to end this segment with a bang but I didn't think that it would turn out like this! Anyways, CoLu week has been amazing and I'm glad you guys enjoyed it!_

 _Velvet Thorn: Thanks for your support! I updated those chapters near midnight and was delirious from sleep deprivation._

 _Have an awesome rest of your day guys!_


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